Jokes to cheer us up
- TigerChris
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Mickey and Mini Mouse are in Marriage Guidance
The Marriage Guidance Counsellor says to Mickey ‘You can't divorce Mini just because she has bad teeth!’
Mickey replied ‘I didn't say that at all, I said she was f*****g Goofy!’
The Marriage Guidance Counsellor says to Mickey ‘You can't divorce Mini just because she has bad teeth!’
Mickey replied ‘I didn't say that at all, I said she was f*****g Goofy!’
- nathanclarinet
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Just seen that Piers Morgan has tested negative for coronovirus. However, doctors did find huge traces of w***er in his system which they suspect has affected him for years.
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- TheBeatles
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
My dad burst into my bedroom once and shouted - stop playing with yourself, you’ll go blind!! I said - Dad, I’m over here
Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night. Be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels, Frank Sinatra
All You Need Is Love, The Beatles
Too much of anything is bad. But too much of good whiskey is barely enough, Mark Twain
All You Need Is Love, The Beatles
Too much of anything is bad. But too much of good whiskey is barely enough, Mark Twain
- Korkki
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
The barman says: 'We don't serve faster-than-light particles here'
A tachyon enters a bar
A tachyon enters a bar
NO PARKING
This space is reserved
This space is reserved
- TigerChris
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
I was in the supermarket shopping with the Mrs and I picked up 24 cans of Stella and put em in the trolley
Straight away, she starts! 'what you doing, we can't afford them!'
I told her they were on special offer, £10 for 24 cans.
'I don't care, put them back' she ordered
A few mins later we go down the toiletries aisle and she picks up a £20 jar of face cream so I say the same as she said to me - 'what you doing, we can't afford that!'
She meekly comes back with 'it makes my face look beautiful'
'So does 24 cans of Stella' I said, 'and they're only half the price!'
Straight away, she starts! 'what you doing, we can't afford them!'
I told her they were on special offer, £10 for 24 cans.
'I don't care, put them back' she ordered
A few mins later we go down the toiletries aisle and she picks up a £20 jar of face cream so I say the same as she said to me - 'what you doing, we can't afford that!'
She meekly comes back with 'it makes my face look beautiful'
'So does 24 cans of Stella' I said, 'and they're only half the price!'
- Thegreyman
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
^^^
Patrick
C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)
Some others + a few on the way
C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)
Some others + a few on the way
- Amor Vincit Omnia
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Statistics reveal that six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
Steve
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
- Amor Vincit Omnia
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Class of six-year-olds writing their Holiday News on the first day of term.
Teacher: “Well done, Chloe – you spelt PAIR correctly, but this other word isn’t quite right. So let’s see, your mummy has got some new tights?”
Chloe: “Nah, Miss, she’s ‘ad a boob job!”
Teacher: “Well done, Chloe – you spelt PAIR correctly, but this other word isn’t quite right. So let’s see, your mummy has got some new tights?”
Chloe: “Nah, Miss, she’s ‘ad a boob job!”
Steve
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
- Thegreyman
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
If you're planning to split up with your missus make sure her bags are packed and the taxi is booked for 8pm on a Thursday so it looks like the whole street is glad to see the back of her!
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Patrick
C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)
Some others + a few on the way
C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)
Some others + a few on the way
- Thegreyman
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden...
How the **** am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?
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How the **** am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?
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Patrick
C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)
Some others + a few on the way
C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)
Some others + a few on the way
- trsullivan
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
I read once that it is the law in Kentucky, that you have to take a bath once a year.
Thank God, I don't live in Kentucky...Make of that what you will...
Tom
Thank God, I don't live in Kentucky...Make of that what you will...
Tom
Tom
Rule #1 - "Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut."
C3GWT, C13SWK, C5Aviator, C5 BoB, C4BBMF, W7BBMF, Pepsi GMT, Scooter Blue, C80, C65 LE, C7 COSC, C3 FLE
C65 AM GT LE
Rule #1 - "Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut."
C3GWT, C13SWK, C5Aviator, C5 BoB, C4BBMF, W7BBMF, Pepsi GMT, Scooter Blue, C80, C65 LE, C7 COSC, C3 FLE
C65 AM GT LE
- monkeymax
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Here's a rather topical comedy routine, rather than a joke:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ja ... escription
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ja ... escription
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- Trusted Seller
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Love it,monkeymax wrote: ↑Mon May 11, 2020 12:28 pm Here's a rather topical comedy routine, rather than a joke:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ja ... escription
Stephen
A few CWs and other brands
A few CWs and other brands
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