Coronavirus

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Re: Coronavirus

Post by nbg »

3C5C0267-B920-45A2-9093-BBDBEB037D65.jpeg
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Re: Coronavirus

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That, made my wife and I laugh out loud!
Thanks for sharing, as a laugh is needed currently!
:D :D :D
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Re: Coronavirus

Post by Soporsche »

Thanks Neil, very good!! 😁
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Re: Coronavirus

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Thegreyman wrote:
Sun Apr 19, 2020 2:06 pm
As we enter the next 3 weeks of lockdown here is a summary of the advice:

1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house

2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not

3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open

4. You must not go to work but you can get another job and go to work

5. You should not go to the Drs or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there

6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable people. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster

7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes or not

8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out

9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some

10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it effects

11. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…

12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11)

13. You will have many symptoms if your get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...

14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go out shopping

15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic

16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication

17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out

18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including Pizza...

19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver

20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance

21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours... six hours... I mean days, not hours... But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic

22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores to be education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am

23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am

24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of… the people who die of corona who aren’t counted won’t be counted

25. You should stay in locked down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected

26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music

27. No business will go down due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will go down due to Coronavirus
Patrick I thought that you and other forumites would welcome an update on the new arrangements South of the border! :)
(Well not everywhere south of the border, as the Rules in Wales are also different to England, Scotland, and Northern Ireland).

[Not my own work - saw it posted elsewhere]

* 4 year olds can go to school, but university students who have paid for the tuition they haven’t had and the accommodation they aren’t living in, can’t go to university.
* A teacher can go to school with many 4 year olds that they are not related to, but can’t see one 4 year old that they are related to.
* You can sit in a park, but not today or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.
* You can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe, but not two people, so if you know two people from another household you have to pick your favourite. Hopefully, you’re also their favourite person from your household or this could be awkward. But possibly you’re not. But as you can’t go closer than 2m to the one you chose anyway you wouldn’t think having the other one sat next to them would matter - unless two people would restrict your eyeline too much and prevent you from being alert.
* You can work all day with your colleagues, but you can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.
* You can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day feels like you are some kind of fitness guru and I can think of lots of things that I would like to be unlimited, but exercise definitely isn’t one of them.
* You can drive to other destinations, although which destinations is unclear.
* The buses are still running past your house, but you shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t sitting around doing nothing.
* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air... but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because... well, I don’t know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe.
* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.
* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate, but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes, and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.
* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more, so we don’t have to stay at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that. Don’t forget... Stay alert... which Robert Jenrick has explained actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously. Control the virus. Well, I have trouble controlling my drinking, so I'll have very little chance of controlling viruses. Save lives. Always preferable to not saving lives, I’d say, so I’ll try my best with that one, although hopefully I don’t need telling to do that. I know I’m bragging now but not NOT saving lives is something I do every day. So there you are. If you’re a fitness freak wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously.

Neil
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Re: Coronavirus

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Re: Coronavirus

Post by Thegreyman »

nbg wrote:
Tue May 12, 2020 8:12 am

Patrick I thought that you and other forumites would welcome an update on the new arrangements South of the border! :)
(Well not everywhere south of the border, as the Rules in Wales are also different to England, Scotland, and Northern Ireland).

[Not my own work - saw it posted elsewhere]

* 4 year olds can go to school, but university students who have paid for the tuition they haven’t had and the accommodation they aren’t living in, can’t go to university.
* A teacher can go to school with many 4 year olds that they are not related to, but can’t see one 4 year old that they are related to.
* You can sit in a park, but not today or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.
* You can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe, but not two people, so if you know two people from another household you have to pick your favourite. Hopefully, you’re also their favourite person from your household or this could be awkward. But possibly you’re not. But as you can’t go closer than 2m to the one you chose anyway you wouldn’t think having the other one sat next to them would matter - unless two people would restrict your eyeline too much and prevent you from being alert.
* You can work all day with your colleagues, but you can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.
* You can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day feels like you are some kind of fitness guru and I can think of lots of things that I would like to be unlimited, but exercise definitely isn’t one of them.
* You can drive to other destinations, although which destinations is unclear.
* The buses are still running past your house, but you shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t sitting around doing nothing.
* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air... but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because... well, I don’t know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe.
* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.
* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate, but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes, and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.
* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more, so we don’t have to stay at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that. Don’t forget... Stay alert... which Robert Jenrick has explained actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously. Control the virus. Well, I have trouble controlling my drinking, so I'll have very little chance of controlling viruses. Save lives. Always preferable to not saving lives, I’d say, so I’ll try my best with that one, although hopefully I don’t need telling to do that. I know I’m bragging now but not NOT saving lives is something I do every day. So there you are. If you’re a fitness freak wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously.

Neil
Thanks Neil, a few of these contradictions had already crossed my mind.

From your repressed Scottish fellow forumite, enjoy your new freedoms from tomorrow (it will be safer out there than today, ref point 3 above :? )
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Re: Coronavirus

Post by jtc »

IMG-20200512-WA0011.jpg
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Re: Coronavirus

Post by Craig64 »

All three previous contributions speak volumes about the contradictions and ambiguities in terms of current reporting and advice and guidance given within the UK. It is staggering really. :problem:
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Re: Coronavirus

Post by scooter »

Sue has been busy making face masks today.

Here are two destined for my mug.

My hair is very Tin Tin esque at the moment.
fullsizeoutput_1315.jpeg
fullsizeoutput_1313.jpeg
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Coronavirus

Post by downer »

^^^ I’m just going to check all the forum rules - to ensure those pictures are fully compliant...
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Re: Coronavirus

Post by scooter »

There is something a little scary about them I will admit.

That said I've upset a few wearing a full balaclava whilst on The Focus.

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Re: Coronavirus

Post by foghorn »

One of my masks.



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Re: Coronavirus

Post by downer »

scooter wrote:There is something a little scary about them I will admit.

That said I've upset a few wearing a full balaclava whilst on The Focus.

scooter
I think a bike balaclava or oxford neck thingy would be ideal, or there always this one...

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Re: Coronavirus

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Re: Coronavirus

Post by scooter »

Excellent masks all round.

I wasn't wrong was I Antony.

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