One Hell of a Brave Woman

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Toffeeggs
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One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by Toffeeggs » Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:01 pm

I retired early in 2011 it was not my wish but somebody had to look after and care for my wife as her health was not to good. When I had to be away from home for say a couple of days due to work I was employing somebody to go in and make sure my wife was ok. It soon came apparent that she required somebody 24/7 so with regret so I thought, i stayed at home to care for her.

Since I retired to look after her it become harder and harder for both of us, getting to the point where she was unable to walk without my help. Taking around 3 hours just to get her up, washed, dressed and moved downstairs.

In the end I had a stairlift installed as around Christmas we took a tumble down the stairs,  she used the stairlift for about 4 weeks before being admitted into hospital. They found that she had blood clots on the lungs, pneumonia and fluid in and around the lungs.

On further investigation they found the reason she could not walk properly was she was riddled with bone cancer and it was at stage 4 where there was no cure or treatment at all. She was given just 7 to 14 days to live and she passed away on the 14th day.  That was on 19th March this year.

For those last few days I stayed 24hrs with her everyday in the hospice and we talked a lot about the good and bad times we both experienced together during our 52 years of marriage. She even wanted a hand in organising her funeral with me as she said that she didn't want me adding at the end of the service a music clip with Bugs Bunny stating 'That's All Folk' from Looney Tunes. I cannot believe she thought I would do that.

After all those years now that she has gone it's very hard and the pain is tremendous and I just hope in time it eases. When you lose a mother or father its something you expect and you feel very hurt about it. But when its somebody that you've courted and then wed for over 52 years the hurt is very painful, I get up in the morning feeling pain in the pit of the stomach. something I've never experienced before. I realise I'm talking to her in the house, telling her what I'm going to do and where I'm going. I suppose that's normal but I think I'll begin to worry when I hear her answering back.   But like I said to my wife in her last few days with me, for her there will be no more sorrow, no more pain. I just did not realise how much pain she was really in and  believe that she was a strong and very brave woman right to the very end as she never complained once about what she was going through.
Just listen to 'Say goodbye to the blues' by Walter Trout. That will be the last music in the crem on 11th of April.
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by smegwina » Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:21 pm

My sincere condolences for your terrible loss.

What a brave, magnificent woman with whom you had the honour of sharing that 52 years with.

Your level of pain is commensurate with the joy that you had with her and I hope those memories give you comfort at this awful time.

Your post shows your own bravery and the depth of your feelings shows how lucky she was to have you by her side as she travelled that road. She was not alone, she was loved and she will have known and gained comfort from that.

I simply cannot imagine going through this and I wish you all the best at this sad time.

You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by Bahnstormer_vRS » Thu Mar 28, 2019 12:01 am

My heartfelt and sincere condolences to you as well.

I have somewhat of an inkling for what you are feeling right now, as I too lost my wife (of a mere 32 years) to breast - bone - liver cancer this time last year (12th April). Everything must still be incredibly raw right now, and will be for some time to come I'm sure.

The hardest time of day I found was out on my morning walk with our dog, giving me the opportunity to think and remember; whereas at other times of the day keeping busy around the house, garden etc. you get less of a chance to feel sorrowful.

I am also sure that it will have been hard for you to write your post BUT in doing so will give you a degree of release; a problem shared is a problem halved. Over the next few weeks and months do not be afraid to discuss and share your experiences.

You must have had an incredibly strong bond between you, and to have cared for your wife for the length of time that you did will have been very demanding, but in its own way fulfilling and rewarding.

God bless you both and my best wishes for the funeral. I'm a bit of a Walter Trout fan myself and you have selected a fine track for a final farewell (just listened to the Live in Amsterdam 2016 version).


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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by 0uatiOW » Thu Mar 28, 2019 1:16 am

Sorry for your loss. You’ve shown a hell of a lot of bravery yourself to post such a personal message here.
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by Robotaz » Thu Mar 28, 2019 3:28 am

I’m very sorry to hear the struggle you both have been through. You’re part of a group of good people here. I hope in your coming days that you find peace and a lot of good laughs. Take care.

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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by MiniMpi » Thu Mar 28, 2019 6:55 am

My sincerest condolences to you and your family for your loss.
You both went through a huge struggle, she is at peace now.
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by Amor Vincit Omnia » Thu Mar 28, 2019 7:00 am

So sorry for your loss. You will be held in thoughts and prayers by many here. You’re pretty brave yourself.
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by kiter65 » Thu Mar 28, 2019 7:55 am

My condolences to you and your family

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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by scooter » Thu Mar 28, 2019 8:30 am

I can only offer you my condolences which I appreciate are little enough.

You did all that you possibly could to make her later life as comfortable as possible.

I will raise a glass to you both.

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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by Kip » Thu Mar 28, 2019 10:16 am

Although the offering of condolences, thoughts and prayers are most certainly never enough, we can only hope that they shall help you through this difficult time.

It takes great courage to share your pain. I am glad you have the courage to share it with us. Only one who has been through situations, such as yours, knows the pain and anguish you, your wife and family have been through.

Not only only has your wife been brave, but so have you. Please focus on all the good memories you have recently reviewed. These are the things that will carry you through.

In our home we light candles for ones we wish to keep in our prayers. One shall be lit for your you and your family.
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by stefs » Thu Mar 28, 2019 10:27 am

Very sad story. All I can do is wish you the best with dealing with this terribly difficult time.
Cheers now
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by Thegreyman » Thu Mar 28, 2019 10:37 am

Very sorry to read about the passing of your dear wife.

That must have been a very difficult post to write and took some courage to do so. I hope you will find that sharing the story and our messages will give you some comfort.

I’m sure your wife appreciated your support and you will look back and be glad that you retired and spent the time that you did with her over the past years.
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by StrappedUp » Thu Mar 28, 2019 11:00 am

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.

Sincerest condolences to you and your family at this most difficult time and wishing you all the best for the coming weeks/months ahead.
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by Thermexman » Thu Mar 28, 2019 11:18 am

So sorry to hear of the sad loss of your wife. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time.
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Re: One Hell of a Brave Woman

Post by timeonourhands » Thu Mar 28, 2019 1:37 pm

I'm really sorry for your tragic loss.
I offer my sincerest condolences to you and your family.
I wish you strength in the days to come and I hope that the forum proves a nice distraction from time to time when you need it.
This isn't just a community of watch-enthusiats, it's a community of people who care when someone isn't doing so well.
Keep visiting and posting and know that you are not alone.

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