Jokes to cheer us up

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JAFO
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by JAFO »

I think I'm anexoric. When I look in the bedroom mirror when I'm getting dressed, I think I look fat. :D

I did look in the bedroom mirror this morning. I noticed I was putting on weight and my hair was getting very thin. I asked my wife to say something nice, and she said "your eyesight's still good!" :D
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

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I'm sat on the toilet, getting very angry, and late for work.
"I don't have time for this S*** "

Regards Steve
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by magicman »

My wife has accused me of ruining her birthday.
Ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday.

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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by kiter65 »

Two cowboys crossing the desert, not eaten for days when in the distance they see a tree with bacon hanging from the branches
They race towards the tree, only to cut down in a hail of bullets
With his last breath one of the cowboys said to the other
It’s not a bacon tree it’s a ham bush :escape:
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by magicman »

I asked my wife, "Am I, the only one you've ever been with ?"

""Yes, all the rest were Nines or Tens"
She replied !!


Regards Steve
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Amor Vincit Omnia »

I just saw an expensive sports car being driven by a sheep wearing a swimming costume.

It was a Lamb-bikini.
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by strapline »

I bought myself a gorgeous pirate's watch, that's right, pirate's watch. It has a gorgeous domed crystal with a fabulous 'oooo-aaahhh' coating.

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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by magicman »

I've just bought a telepathicaly controlled air freshener.
Makes scents, when you think about it.

Regards Steve
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Bungle-ator »

Most people are shocked when I tell them I'm not an electrician.
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by jkbarnes »

Not a joke exactly, but maybe still good for a laugh.

So I told this tale to my kids in class while doing a quick review of Renaissance art. I put up an image of da Vinci’s The Last Supper and spun this tale:

Here is da Vinci’s take on the last supper shared by Christ and his disciples. If you take a look at Jesus in the center, you’ll see him gesturing. The waiter has just brought the bill, which Jesus is pointing to with a certain measure of disgust as he asks “Who ordered wine? Why would anyone order wine?!” and his disciples all turn away trying to dodge their share of the bill.

I thought it was hilarious, but it was met by crickets. It went right over their heads. Today a student told me she told her parents that story, and they thought it was hilarious.

AB93C0B4-8E10-4A67-825B-2FF5CB4CF608.jpeg
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Amor Vincit Omnia »

^^^ Singles holiday. Large group in restaurant. Post-bill débâcle (always happens!)

Shall we just split it thirteen ways, guys?

No way, because some of us didn’t have a starter!

You had a side of onion rings, didn’t you?.

Yeah, but I only had the ice-cream for dessert, and others had sticky toffee pudding.

I don’t KNOW where the nearest ATM is!

Why don’t we ask for separate bills?

Because it will take ages.

Anyone got change for a fifty?


And so on…
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Steve
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by magicman »

I was struggling, to get my wife to pay me attention.
So I sat down on the sofa and got comfortable, that did the trick !

Regards Steve
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by gwells »

Image
the "g" is for Greg...
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Bahnstormer_vRS »

^^^^ :lol: :clap: :lol: :clap: :lol:

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