GP'S timekeeping - a probabilistic quirk of relativity whereby a fifteen minute consultation is compressed into five.

Pulsimeter - 39 inch-long line of lentils

Hack feature - article in a Sunday tabloid

Oh, we're off again!

Balance spring - the heart of Simone Biles' beam routine

Balance wheel - the heart of a lesser gymnast's beam routine involving spinning arms around to keep upright

Lume - what staff in the AD do when they see you looking at the Frederique Constants. Less so if you popped in to buy a Rolex

Parmigiani-Fleurier - hideously expensive hard cheese flavoured with attar of roses.

Parmigiani-Fleurier Tonda - as above, but comes with a free pair of hair-clippers.

Laurent Ferrier - not quite champagne dials

Lume - what credit card deadlines do once the CW sale has passed

Mists of time - Lamentable evidence visible on the inside of a watch crystal that seals should have been changed a while ago.

Fullness of time - middle-aged spread

Tik tok - something that happens every second of the day for most teenagers

Turn back the hands of time - Just don't. It's not good for the gears.

Killing time - diving with the crown unscrewed; setting the date between 9pm and 3am; dropping your watch on a concrete floor

Too much time on one's hands - submariner, dive computer and Fitbit on the same wrist

Steinhart - A brand of Scandinavian 'male performance' pill.

Swiss Watchmaker - a dishwasher-loading style adopted by one half of every relationship. The other half usually stacking the dishwasher like a racoon on crystal meth.

Cushion case watch - essential TV viewing for fans of crime dramas involving pillows.

Unboxing - pugilistic art that involves no aggression, no punches, mostly dialogue