Jokes to cheer us up

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magicman
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by magicman »

Who's in favour of bringing Roman Numerals back, into everyday use ?
I for one.

Regards Steve
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iain
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by iain »

Best read in a northern accent……


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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Amor Vincit Omnia »

magicman wrote: Tue May 31, 2022 10:32 pm Who's in favour of bringing Roman Numerals back, into everyday use ?
I for one.

Regards Steve
Aye Aye Sir - that's two
Aye Aye Aye - #3 got a bit carried away.
Ivy likes it too - that's four.

On the eve of a royal occasion...

Mr and Mrs Potato were delighted when their eldest daughter Nicola got engaged to King Edward. They would be able to wave from the Palace balcony after the wedding.
They were thrilled when their middle daughter Charlotte got engaged to a Jersey Royal. They would get invited to the Royal Box at Ascot and Wimbledon.
They were horrified when their youngest daughter Désirée got engaged to Gary Lineker. They thought he was a commentator.
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by iain »

^^^^ not only was he a commentator (common ‘tater) he was an advocate for slicing up potatoes and feeding them to the common people!

For our US and overseas members, Gary Lineker is an ex professional footballer (soccer player) who also advertises a well known brand of crisps (potato chips).
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

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A recent trip to Manchester Eye Hospital reminded me of this old chestnut:

A man is out walking his terrier dog on a hot day, and decides to call in a pub for a beer.
He walks up to the bar, " A pint of bitter please and some water for my dog"
"We don't allow dogs in here"
"No, it's OK, he can come in with me"
"No sir, it's our policy not to allow dogs in the bar"
"He can come in with me, he's a guide dog"
"No sir he isn't, guide dogs are German Shepherds, Labradors, Retrievers or Labrador / Retriever cross-breeds.
"Well ... what have they given me this time?"
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by iain »

All the upset comments on the football sponsorship are nothing. I think this is the angriest post on the forum…..


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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by magicman »

I Debated a flat earther once.
He stormed off, and said he would walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
I'm sure he'll come around, eventually.

Regards Steve
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by kiter65 »

Reminds me of a poster promoting a flat earth society conference....

Featuring guest speakers from around the globe :lol:
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by strapline »

The greatest invention of all time?

Simple, the Venetian blind.

If it wasn’t for the Venetian blind it’d be curtains for us all.

Des
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by jkbarnes »

This made me chuckle…

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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Amor Vincit Omnia »

^^^ I’m not going to beef about that.
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by richtel »

Ten jokes made the Edinburgh Fringe 2022 shortlist:

1. "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta" - Masai Graham

2. "Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery" - Mark Simmons

3. "My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock" - Olaf Falafel

4. "By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it is the same family" - Hannah Fairweather

5. "I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person" - Will Mars

6. "I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back" - Olaf Falafel

7. "I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx" - Richard Pulsford

8. "I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery" - Tim Vine

9. "Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate" - Sophie Duker

10. "I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days" - Will Duggan
Rich

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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by strapline »

^^ ^^
They're good aren't they. Apparently No 1 won the best joke of the Fringe, he's won previously too. His previous effort was: "My dad keeps urging me to get a donor card, he's a man after my own heart."

No 3 tickled me too, not least because of the teller's name... :lol: :lol:

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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by JAFO »

Heard on the building site

"Boss, the shovels haven't arrived. What can we do?"
"Lean on each other until they get here. "
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by magicman »

In 1985, my dad rolled me down the hill, in a car tyre.

It was a Goodyear.

Regards Steve
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