A stranger said "Don't get involved with the red one. He's a cyclepath."
Jokes to cheer us up
Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Two pieces of Tarmac having a drink in a pub. One was black, one was Red.
A stranger said "Don't get involved with the red one. He's a cyclepath."
A stranger said "Don't get involved with the red one. He's a cyclepath."
- These users thanked the author JAFO for the post (total 3):
- Amor Vincit Omnia • jkbarnes • Chris375
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Amor Vincit Omnia
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Steve
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
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timepieces_and_bags
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
"Doctor, doctor! I can't seem to stop singing "The Green, Green Grass of Home""
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
- These users thanked the author timepieces_and_bags for the post (total 3):
- Amor Vincit Omnia • JAFO • tikkathree
I post a few watch pictures now and then to a little Instagram account - 16 followers and counting!
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magicman
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
CRICKET
AS EXPLAINED TO A FOREIGN VISITOR
You have two sides one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and - not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not outs-
That's the end of the game
HOWZAT!
AS EXPLAINED TO A FOREIGN VISITOR
You have two sides one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and - not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not outs-
That's the end of the game
HOWZAT!
-
timepieces_and_bags
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
I started a dating agency for chickens but it was unsuccessful and I went bankrupt.
Couldn’t make hens meet.
Couldn’t make hens meet.
I post a few watch pictures now and then to a little Instagram account - 16 followers and counting!
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Amor Vincit Omnia
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
An old Dobermann starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a young lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, "Uh oh! I'm in deep trouble now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Dobermann exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!" says the lion, "That was close! That old Dobermann nearly had me!”
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the lion. The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!”
Now, the old Dobermann sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
Just when they get close enough to hear, the old Dobermann says, "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!”
Moral of This Story
Don't mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
The old Doberman thinks, "Uh oh! I'm in deep trouble now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Dobermann exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!" says the lion, "That was close! That old Dobermann nearly had me!”
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the lion. The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!”
Now, the old Dobermann sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
Just when they get close enough to hear, the old Dobermann says, "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!”
Moral of This Story
Don't mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
- These users thanked the author Amor Vincit Omnia for the post (total 7):
- strapline • Mikkei4 • gannet • Bahnstormer_vRS • watchaholic • Chris375 • Maverick_John
Steve
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
-
strapline
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
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- Amor Vincit Omnia
Wealth is the least meaningful metric by which to judge a person's value.
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timepieces_and_bags
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Mrs TB’s birthday is today and to celebrate I just took her to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for an hour.
Not the apple watch she was expecting apparently.
Not the apple watch she was expecting apparently.
- These users thanked the author timepieces_and_bags for the post (total 4):
- Bahnstormer_vRS • welshlad • Chris375 • watchaholic
I post a few watch pictures now and then to a little Instagram account - 16 followers and counting!
Re: Jokes to cheer us up
^^^^ She mustn’t have realised the gravity of the situation……
- These users thanked the author iain for the post (total 2):
- Bahnstormer_vRS • rkovars
Iain’s Law: Any discussion on the Christopher Ward forum, irrespective of the thread title or subject matter, will eventually lead to someone mentioning the Bel Canto if the thread continues for long enough.
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magicman
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
My wife told me I was an idiot ! she said that her mother thought I was an idiot too and that her dad thought I was an idiot also, she went on to say that even members of my own family thought I was an idiot.
She then added, if I entered an idiot competition I would come second.
I asked her why and she said
Because you're an Idiot !
Regards Steve
She then added, if I entered an idiot competition I would come second.
I asked her why and she said
Because you're an Idiot !
Regards Steve
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- Bahnstormer_vRS
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timepieces_and_bags
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Sorted through the attic and put all of my John Lennon LPs on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.
- These users thanked the author timepieces_and_bags for the post (total 3):
- welshlad • strapline • Maverick_John
I post a few watch pictures now and then to a little Instagram account - 16 followers and counting!
Re: Jokes to cheer us up
^^^^ It’s eBay if you try……
Iain’s Law: Any discussion on the Christopher Ward forum, irrespective of the thread title or subject matter, will eventually lead to someone mentioning the Bel Canto if the thread continues for long enough.
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strapline
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
...You may say I'm a creamer but I'm not the only one.timepieces_and_bags wrote: ↑Mon May 26, 2025 9:36 pm Sorted through the attic and put all of my John Lennon LPs on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.
Des
Wealth is the least meaningful metric by which to judge a person's value.
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Maverick_John
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Re: Jokes to cheer us up
Aesop is that you?Amor Vincit Omnia wrote: ↑Thu Apr 10, 2025 3:49 pm An old Dobermann starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a young lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, "Uh oh! I'm in deep trouble now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Dobermann exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!" says the lion, "That was close! That old Dobermann nearly had me!”
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the lion. The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!”
Now, the old Dobermann sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
Just when they get close enough to hear, the old Dobermann says, "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!”
Moral of This Story
Don't mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
That fable was missing from the book I bought for my kid.
- These users thanked the author Maverick_John for the post:
- Amor Vincit Omnia
Kind Regards
John
______________________________________________________________
There are 3 things in life that no person should ever go without having.
Family
Coffee
Watches.
John
______________________________________________________________
There are 3 things in life that no person should ever go without having.
Family
Coffee
Watches.