Jokes to cheer us up

Here you can post stuff that is not related to Christopher Ward
User avatar
TigerChris
Senior Forumgod
Senior Forumgod
Posts: 3244
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2017 2:51 pm
CW-watches: 1

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by TigerChris »

Mickey and Mini Mouse are in Marriage Guidance

The Marriage Guidance Counsellor says to Mickey ‘You can't divorce Mini just because she has bad teeth!’

Mickey replied ‘I didn't say that at all, I said she was f*****g Goofy!’
User avatar
nathanclarinet
Senior Forumgod
Senior Forumgod
Posts: 3853
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:45 pm
CW-watches: 2

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by nathanclarinet »

Just seen that Piers Morgan has tested negative for coronovirus. However, doctors did find huge traces of w***er in his system which they suspect has affected him for years.

Sent from my ELE-L29 using Tapatalk

User avatar
TheBeatles
Senior Forumgod
Senior Forumgod
Posts: 2580
Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:36 am
CW-watches: 6
Location: England

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by TheBeatles »

My dad burst into my bedroom once and shouted - stop playing with yourself, you’ll go blind!! I said - Dad, I’m over here :D
Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night. Be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels, Frank Sinatra

All You Need Is Love, The Beatles

Too much of anything is bad. But too much of good whiskey is barely enough, Mark Twain
User avatar
Korkki
Senior Forumgod
Senior Forumgod
Posts: 7447
Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:19 pm
CW-watches: 0
Location: Oulu, Finland

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Korkki »

The barman says: 'We don't serve faster-than-light particles here'
A tachyon enters a bar

:?
NO PARKING
This space is reserved
User avatar
TigerChris
Senior Forumgod
Senior Forumgod
Posts: 3244
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2017 2:51 pm
CW-watches: 1

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by TigerChris »

I was in the supermarket shopping with the Mrs and I picked up 24 cans of Stella and put em in the trolley

Straight away, she starts! 'what you doing, we can't afford them!'

I told her they were on special offer, £10 for 24 cans.

'I don't care, put them back' she ordered

A few mins later we go down the toiletries aisle and she picks up a £20 jar of face cream so I say the same as she said to me - 'what you doing, we can't afford that!'

She meekly comes back with 'it makes my face look beautiful'

'So does 24 cans of Stella' I said, 'and they're only half the price!'
User avatar
Thegreyman
Trusted Seller
Trusted Seller
Posts: 12027
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 3:45 pm
CW-watches: 6
Location: Edinburgh

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Thegreyman »

^^^ :lol: :lol: :dielaughing: :dielaughing:
Patrick

C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)

Some others + a few on the way
User avatar
Amor Vincit Omnia
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 33604
Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2011 7:34 pm
CW-watches: 4
Location: Norfolk, UK

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Amor Vincit Omnia »

Statistics reveal that six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
Steve
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer

Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time


Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
User avatar
Amor Vincit Omnia
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 33604
Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2011 7:34 pm
CW-watches: 4
Location: Norfolk, UK

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Amor Vincit Omnia »

Class of six-year-olds writing their Holiday News on the first day of term.

Teacher: “Well done, Chloe – you spelt PAIR correctly, but this other word isn’t quite right. So let’s see, your mummy has got some new tights?”

Chloe: “Nah, Miss, she’s ‘ad a boob job!”
Steve
Linguist; retired teacher; pilgrim; apprentice travel writer

Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time


Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. (Max Ehrmann)
drand
Guru
Guru
Posts: 322
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 9:54 pm
CW-watches: 1

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by drand »

Korkki wrote: Wed May 06, 2020 10:53 am The barman says: 'We don't serve faster-than-light particles here'
A tachyon enters a bar

:?
Well I didn't see that coming.
User avatar
Thegreyman
Trusted Seller
Trusted Seller
Posts: 12027
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 3:45 pm
CW-watches: 6
Location: Edinburgh

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Thegreyman »

If you're planning to split up with your missus make sure her bags are packed and the taxi is booked for 8pm on a Thursday so it looks like the whole street is glad to see the back of her!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Patrick

C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)

Some others + a few on the way
kiter65
Trusted Seller
Trusted Seller
Posts: 3950
Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:45 pm
CW-watches: 0

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by kiter65 »

FFS if I had only thought about that 8 weeks ago :lol: :lol: :lol:
User avatar
Thegreyman
Trusted Seller
Trusted Seller
Posts: 12027
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 3:45 pm
CW-watches: 6
Location: Edinburgh

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Thegreyman »

I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden...

How the **** am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Patrick

C60 Pro 300, C60 Sunrise, C63 Sealander Lucerne blue LE, C65 Dartmouth, W11 Amelia (wife), C63 Sealander (son)

Some others + a few on the way
User avatar
trsullivan
Senior Guru
Senior Guru
Posts: 670
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 3:37 am
CW-watches: 13
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by trsullivan »

I read once that it is the law in Kentucky, that you have to take a bath once a year.

Thank God, I don't live in Kentucky...Make of that what you will...:)

Tom
Tom
Rule #1 - "Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut."
C3GWT, C13SWK, C5Aviator, C5 BoB, C4BBMF, W7BBMF, Pepsi GMT, Scooter Blue, C80, C65 LE, C7 COSC, C3 FLE
C65 AM GT LE
User avatar
monkeymax
Senior Guru
Senior Guru
Posts: 577
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 10:30 pm
CW-watches: 3
Location: South England

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by monkeymax »

Here's a rather topical comedy routine, rather than a joke:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ja ... escription
Soporsche
Trusted Seller
Trusted Seller
Posts: 1921
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 10:22 am
CW-watches: 9
Location: London

Re: Jokes to cheer us up

Post by Soporsche »

monkeymax wrote: Mon May 11, 2020 12:28 pm Here's a rather topical comedy routine, rather than a joke:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ja ... escription
Love it, :D =D>
Stephen

A few CWs and other brands
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post