How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Here you can post stuff that is not related to Christopher Ward
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tempusmaximus
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

How do you know a watch is still hungry ?

It goes back four seconds .
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by Bahnstormer_vRS »

Q - What's the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?

A - You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo.

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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

What do you call a bunch of chess players , bragging about their games in a hotel lobby ?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer .
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

What did the police officer say to the midget , who had made a complaint about having his pocket picked ?

You wouldn't think someone would stoop so low .
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

As a scarecrow people say I'm outstanding in my field .
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by rgb »

The other day my wife asked me to buy her something to make her look nice.
So I went to the beer store.
And that's when the fight started.


I just learned that my wife had signed me up for a bridge club.
Apparently I jump next Tuesday.
And that's when the fight started.


This morning my wife asked me, "What do you like most about me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
I replied, "Your sense of humour."
And that's when the fight started.


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said "I would like to come back as a cow".
I said "You're obviously not listening."
And that's when the fight started.


My wife hinted about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And that's when the fight started.
Rolex Explorer II | Tudor BBR | Tudor North Flag | Omega Seamaster Pro 300M | Speedmaster 3513.30 | TAG Kirium F1 | Chr.Ward C9 GMT | C10 Mk1 | C65 LE | Oris Player's 7410 |
WR: 7.25"

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by rgb »

I rear-ended a car this morning.
The other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Well I couldn't believe it.... the driver was a dwarf.
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY! "
So, I looked down at him and said, ' Well, then which one are you? '
And that's when the fight started.
Rolex Explorer II | Tudor BBR | Tudor North Flag | Omega Seamaster Pro 300M | Speedmaster 3513.30 | TAG Kirium F1 | Chr.Ward C9 GMT | C10 Mk1 | C65 LE | Oris Player's 7410 |
WR: 7.25"

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

I have a step ladder , I never knew my real ladder :shock:
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

What's the difference between a woman and a battery ?

A battery has a positive side .
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by BerlinCW »

tempusmaximus wrote:What's the difference between a woman and a battery ?

A battery has a positive side .
Thanks, very good!

I'II test that one on my wife later.
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

BerlinCW wrote:I'II test that one on my wife later.
Then you will see I was right . :D

I tried it out on my wife , she was not amused .
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by oholtet »

Image

Hopefully I won't hurt too many Invicta-owners now, but I'll take my chances :p
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

Five out of six people agree that Russian roulette is safe .
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by TheBeatles »

Here's a Geordie one':-

Geordie goes to opticians

Optician says "Can you see the board?"

Geordie "See the bord, I cannot even see the cage!"

This might flummox some of our overseas friends, not to mention friends in UK

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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!

Post by tempusmaximus »

Why couldn't the butterfly go to the new years eve party ?

Because it was a moth ball .
Bernie
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