How about a jokes page, I'll start!
- tempusmaximus
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
How do you know a watch is still hungry ?
It goes back four seconds .
It goes back four seconds .
Bernie
- Bahnstormer_vRS
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
Q - What's the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?
A - You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo.
Guy
Sent from my Xperia Z5 Premium
A - You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo.
Guy
Sent from my Xperia Z5 Premium
In small proportions, we just beautie see:
And in short measures, life may perfect bee. - Ben Jonson (1572 – 1637)
Inscription on the Longitude Dial
Hatfield House, Hatfield, Hertfordshire AL9 5NB, England
And in short measures, life may perfect bee. - Ben Jonson (1572 – 1637)
Inscription on the Longitude Dial
Hatfield House, Hatfield, Hertfordshire AL9 5NB, England
- tempusmaximus
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
What do you call a bunch of chess players , bragging about their games in a hotel lobby ?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer .
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer .
Bernie
- tempusmaximus
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
What did the police officer say to the midget , who had made a complaint about having his pocket picked ?
You wouldn't think someone would stoop so low .
You wouldn't think someone would stoop so low .
Bernie
- tempusmaximus
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
As a scarecrow people say I'm outstanding in my field .
Bernie
- rgb
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
The other day my wife asked me to buy her something to make her look nice.
So I went to the beer store.
And that's when the fight started.
I just learned that my wife had signed me up for a bridge club.
Apparently I jump next Tuesday.
And that's when the fight started.
This morning my wife asked me, "What do you like most about me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
I replied, "Your sense of humour."
And that's when the fight started.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said "I would like to come back as a cow".
I said "You're obviously not listening."
And that's when the fight started.
My wife hinted about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And that's when the fight started.
So I went to the beer store.
And that's when the fight started.
I just learned that my wife had signed me up for a bridge club.
Apparently I jump next Tuesday.
And that's when the fight started.
This morning my wife asked me, "What do you like most about me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
I replied, "Your sense of humour."
And that's when the fight started.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said "I would like to come back as a cow".
I said "You're obviously not listening."
And that's when the fight started.
My wife hinted about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And that's when the fight started.
Rolex Explorer II | Tudor BBR | Tudor North Flag | Omega Seamaster Pro 300M | Speedmaster 3513.30 | TAG Kirium F1 | Chr.Ward C9 GMT | C10 Mk1 | C65 LE | Oris Player's 7410 |
WR: 7.25"
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
WR: 7.25"
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- rgb
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
I rear-ended a car this morning.
The other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Well I couldn't believe it.... the driver was a dwarf.
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY! "
So, I looked down at him and said, ' Well, then which one are you? '
And that's when the fight started.
The other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Well I couldn't believe it.... the driver was a dwarf.
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY! "
So, I looked down at him and said, ' Well, then which one are you? '
And that's when the fight started.
Rolex Explorer II | Tudor BBR | Tudor North Flag | Omega Seamaster Pro 300M | Speedmaster 3513.30 | TAG Kirium F1 | Chr.Ward C9 GMT | C10 Mk1 | C65 LE | Oris Player's 7410 |
WR: 7.25"
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
WR: 7.25"
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- tempusmaximus
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- Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:37 pm
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- Location: UK
- tempusmaximus
- Senior Forumgod
- Posts: 19245
- Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:37 pm
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- Location: UK
Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
What's the difference between a woman and a battery ?
A battery has a positive side .
A battery has a positive side .
Bernie
Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
Thanks, very good!tempusmaximus wrote:What's the difference between a woman and a battery ?
A battery has a positive side .
I'II test that one on my wife later.
- tempusmaximus
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
Then you will see I was right .BerlinCW wrote:I'II test that one on my wife later.
I tried it out on my wife , she was not amused .
Bernie
- tempusmaximus
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
Five out of six people agree that Russian roulette is safe .
Bernie
- TheBeatles
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
Here's a Geordie one':-
Geordie goes to opticians
Optician says "Can you see the board?"
Geordie "See the bord, I cannot even see the cage!"
This might flummox some of our overseas friends, not to mention friends in UK
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Geordie goes to opticians
Optician says "Can you see the board?"
Geordie "See the bord, I cannot even see the cage!"
This might flummox some of our overseas friends, not to mention friends in UK
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night. Be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels, Frank Sinatra
All You Need Is Love, The Beatles
Too much of anything is bad. But too much of good whiskey is barely enough, Mark Twain
All You Need Is Love, The Beatles
Too much of anything is bad. But too much of good whiskey is barely enough, Mark Twain
- tempusmaximus
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Re: How about a jokes page, I'll start!
Why couldn't the butterfly go to the new years eve party ?
Because it was a moth ball .
Because it was a moth ball .
Bernie
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