One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep sh*# now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says....

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bullsh*% and brilliance only come with age and experience.

JAG wrote:After being sent a photo of my car speeding


I sent the police a photo of my cheque !

You forgot the line:

"The police then sent a photo of handcuffs"

stolen from a famous joke site.... made me laugh though

I went to the bank today to ask for a loan.

"What do you need the money for sir?"

"It's for a car."

"Oh nice, what are you getting?"

"Just some unleaded."
------------------

A woman came over to me in a club, rubbed my head and asked "Is it true, do bald men make better lovers?"

I said "I don't know. I haven't f*#ked any"
------------------

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."


boom boom!

A man took his wife to the Great Yorkshire Show and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the 'breeding bulls'.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said,
"He mated 50 times last year."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year" The wife nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one".

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."



NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.

Have you heard of Tottenham Hostspurs new signing " Grabatelli " he's quite switched on and his coverage is very good like his mate " NabanXbox "

Prince of Wales turns up to open a new shopping mall in Stoke-on-Trent sporting a fabulous winter hat made of fox-fur; unfortunately it's 30 degrees outside.
"That's a wonderful hat, sir," says the Lord Mayor, "but isn't it a little warm for it today?"
"Yes," says HRH, "but I was ordered to wear it by the Queen, and one doesn't disobey. When I told her where I was going, she said, 'Stoke-on-Trent? Wear the fox hat!'"

Amor Vincit Omnia wrote:Prince of Wales turns up to open a new shopping mall in Stoke-on-Trent sporting a fabulous winter hat made of fox-fur; unfortunately it's 30 degrees outside.
"That's a wonderful hat, sir," says the Lord Mayor, "but isn't it a little warm for it today?"
"Yes," says HRH, "but I was ordered to wear it by the Queen, and one doesn't disobey. When I told her where I was going, she said, 'Stoke-on-Trent? Wear the fox hat!'"

It's an old one, but still a good one!

(Last time I heard it, it was about Hull......)

Moveable...just picked my old home town!

BTW, I did search "fox" on the forum before posting, and it was mostly about Megan.

Amor Vincit Omnia wrote:Moveable...just picked my old home town!

BTW, I did search "fox" on the forum before posting, and it was mostly about Megan.

So, you are one of the best things to come out of Stoke-on-Trent........ the others being the A34, A50 and the M6..

There's a difference...the others go back in!

Amor Vincit Omnia wrote:There's a difference...the others go back in!

I'm sitting here in an ST postcode..........so I can't say anything more about this..

Lost my Job today.. well it was only giving up my spare time at the local soup kitchen

They said my comment of " Come on you lot some of us have got homes to go to " didn't go down well with the homeless

Male or Female?

You might not know this...but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:




FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them.


PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female...... They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.


TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated


HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object... Because to get them to go anywhere.....you have to light a fire under them.


SPONGES: These are female...because they are soft.......squeezable and retain water.


WEB PAGES:
Female...because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.


TRAINS: Definitely male... Because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.


EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because....over time...all the weight shifts to the bottom.


HAMMERS: Male.... Because in the last 5000 years......they've hardly changed at all...and are occasionally handy to have around.


THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male...but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it...and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push...he just keeps trying

Voted #2 at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival...
"Crime in multi-storey car parks - that's wrong on so many levels" (Tim Vine).

The vote must have been rigged. How did that not beat..."I was asked for an 8-character password so I chose 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves' " ?

Oh, and I'm a Tyre then?