I got the ideea, my english

Daz wrote: Good one John, it's the way you tell them.

Daz, report to Kip ASAP, you nutcase.

I'm a bit disappointed in you Daz - that woman's my auntie..UB..

Even El Tiempo didn't look that bad after his fall. But Daz may require some special treatment when he heals.

I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' '

Woman trying to spice up her sex life buys a pair of crotchless knickers and sits opposite her husband who asks
"Are you wearing crotchless knickers" "Yes" she replies.
Husband says "Thank F*^k for that,i thought the sofa had burst!"

Thanks - I was prepared not to find it funny then the last line sent tea up my nose..UB

The Tax Inspector
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.
While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'

'Good question', noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh', replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
' What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes', replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits.'

'I see!' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi', he went on, 'What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'

'Here, too, we do not waste', answered the Rabbi.
'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office and about once a year they send us a complete dick.'

Uncle Bill wrote:Thanks - I was prepared not to find it funny then the last line sent tea up my nose..UB

Glad you liked it.
Hope you managed to miss your keyboard as i ruined mine with a cup of tea yesterday

Nice one Yoda i like that one a lot

Thanks Rick. I needed that.

So I said to the taxi driver, "King Authur's Close" He said, "Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights"