Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Fringe

I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah - Lorna Rose Treen

The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.' - Liz Guterbock

Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now - Amos Gill

When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast - Sikisa

I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice - Masai Graham

How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag - Frank Lavender

My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic - Roger Swift

I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and I won hands down - Bennett Arron

Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch - William Stone

My grandma describes herself as being in her "twilight years" which I love because they're great films - Daniel Foxx

Couple of good ones. My standout is probably the Nationwide one.

The winning one was absolutely awful, it doesn't even make any sense!

^^^^ I didn't know there was a winner or pecking order; just a Top 10.

The bitching vs podcast humoured me most.

Guy

I liked the Titanic joke - pretty dark and I’d have laughed a lot if I was hearing it as part is a set. The rest were a bit meh? Like people are still waking up post covid?

Last year I was having a conversation with my daughter who was complaining that a member of her friend group was telling the same set of jokes that were printed on the back of the wrapper of the penguin biscuit that was in their lunch box.

“If you want me to write one for your lunch box just let me know” I said but she told me “no thanks dad.”

Not one to turn down a challenge I started to text her a joke of the day every day and she read them out to her friends over lunch. After about 3-4 weeks it had become a thing and if I forgot to send one I’d get an anxious reminder to send one. Usually with about 5 mins notice while I was busy in a meeting at work.

Of course I didn’t write the jokes I just found them on the internet and forwarded them to her. But over the course of the school year I had to find 80+ dad jokes.

At the end of the school year I asked her friends to vote for their favourite dad jokes and these were the results.

I’ve lost 2 stone by walking round with some bread on my head.
I’m on a loaf hat diet

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field

Why do seagull fry over the sea?
If they flew over the bay they’d be bagels

What do you call a beehive with no door?
Unbelievable.

So for the last ever day of school I took their favourite four jokes as nominated by her friends and sent this one to her….

Why did the scarecrow wear a bagel on his head?
He was on an unbelievably low fat diet.

I think the actual words in her reply was that her friends called me a dad joke legend. I’m not sure though whether that’s good or bad…….

iain wrote: ↑Tue Aug 22, 2023 12:55 pm
Why do seagull fry over the sea?
If they flew over the bay they’d be bagels

Bagels are much better grilled or toasted. Not sure I would like fried seagull.

Amor Vincit Omnia wrote: ↑Tue Aug 22, 2023 1:06 pm

iain wrote: ↑Tue Aug 22, 2023 12:55 pm
Why do seagull fry over the sea?
If they flew over the bay they’d be bagels

Bagels are much better grilled or toasted. Not sure I would like fried seagull.

I had it once in a restaurant, the bill was enormous….

^^^ You were probably fooled – it was really duck. Too gullible.

^^^^ Sure it wasn't Albatross?

"Do you get wafers with it?"

Guy

^^^ Just one waffer-thin mint.

I make one small typo and everyone starts crowing on about it……

iain wrote: ↑Tue Aug 22, 2023 3:38 pm I make one small typo and everyone starts crowing on about it……

Just wait until gannet gets his tern. You’ll be puffin’ and blowin’ then, laddie!

@iain

Man walks into an ancient Greek tailors with a pair of ripped trousers.

Tailor says, "Euripides?"

Man says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"